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Self-awareness is the ability to see yourself clearly, to understand your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and to acknowledge how they align (or don’t) with your values and intentions.

It’s not just knowing what you like or dislike. It’s not just journaling your way through a hard day. It’s the ongoing practice of being honest with yourself.

Self-awareness is multi-layered:

• It’s being able to say I’m feeling defensive right now in the middle of an argument.

• It’s noticing a pattern of procrastination and wondering What am I avoiding?.

• It’s recognizing that the version of you you present to others isn’t always the true one.

There are two main types of self-awareness:

• Internal self-awareness – how clearly you see your own values, passions, reactions, and impact; people with internal self-awareness are happier and have healthier relationships.

• External self-awareness – how well you understand how others see you; people with external self-awareness are better at empathizing with others and accepting different perspectives.

Why Is Self-Awareness Important?

Know thyself. These words were inscribed upon the Temple of Apollo in Delphi, an ancient Greek precinct.

It belongs to all men to know themselves and think well. ~ Heraclitus

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. ~ Aristotle

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. ~ Carl Jung

When I discover who I am, I'll be free. ~ Ralph Ellison

All these great historical figures (and many more!) have already explained why self-awareness is so important. It is the foundation for emotional intelligence, resilience, and better relationships.

When we lack self-awareness, we may:

• React impulsively

• Repeat toxic relationship patterns without realizing why

• Stay in a job that drains us.

• Sabotage opportunities

• Push others away

• Feel chronically misunderstood

• Reinforce identities that do not align with who we really are

On the other hand, research shows that self-aware people are happier, more successful, and even better leaders.

Signs of a Lack of Self-Awareness

When asked whether they are self-aware, most people answer yes. However, researchers from the Harvard Business Review confirmed that self-awareness is actually a very rare quality. Even though 95% of the research participants believed they were self-aware, only 10-15% of them actually were self-aware.

So, how can you tell if someone, including yourself, lacks self-awareness? In the following sections, we'll discuss some signs to look out for.

Blaming Others for Personal Problems

One of the most telling signs of low self-awareness is the tendency to blame others for personal problems. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, individuals with low self-awareness typically shift the blame to others. This behavior not only hampers personal development but also strains relationships with family members and friends.

Self-aware individuals, on the other hand, engage in self-reflection to understand their role in the problem and seek solutions. Practicing self-compassion and empathy enhances their problem-solving skills and strengthens social situations.

Difficulty Accepting Constructive Criticism

If you (or someone around you) find yourself getting defensive or angry when receiving feedback, it might be a sign of low self-awareness.

Those who lack self-awareness often view constructive criticism as a personal attack, a threat to their self-perception, rather than an opportunity for growth. This defensiveness can hinder productive conversations and prevent learning from others’ perspectives.

On the other hand, self-awareness helps individuals view feedback as a great tool for growth and self-reflection.

Poor Emotion Regulation

Poor emotion regulation, where emotions instead of rational decision-making dictate actions, is a clear indicator of low self-awareness. Without the ability to identify and manage their emotions, individuals may internalize negative feelings. This leads to anger, resentment, or depression.

Self-aware people can recognize how their emotions affect their behavior and how their behavior affects others.

Playing the Victim

From a psychological perspective, seeing oneself as the perpetual victim in life’s narrative is a strong sign of low self-awareness. This mentality reflects an inability to take personal accountability for one’s circumstances. It often involves externalizing negative emotions onto others, especially during a hard time.

Individuals who are fully aware of their internal standards, strengths, and weaknesses can recognize their personal agency and responsibility in shaping their life outcomes.

Other Signs Indicating A Lack of Self-Awareness

While the signs mentioned above are the most common ones, there are some other cues that could indicate a lack of self-awareness, including:

• Impulsivity and difficulty making decisions

• Disregarding consequences

• Difficulty in admitting that one's knowledge is limited

• Following the same patterns (often detrimental to well-being) without understanding why

• Inability to identify strengths and weaknesses

• Difficulty to put themselves in someone else's shoes

• Avoiding self-reflection

What Causes Low Self-Awareness?

Why do so many people lack self-awareness? What stands behind this inability or unwillingness to reconnect with ourselves? Here are some of the most common causes:

• Fear of vulnerability. People are often afraid that they may be judged or rejected if they're too self-conscious. Because of this, they tend to disconnect from their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.

• Fear of accepting someone else's reality. Everyone's reality is different, which means that people need to learn to accept others' realities as well. Individuals who lack self-awareness may be afraid to learn that other people perceive reality differently. They may be afraid to learn about the difference between their subjective interpretation of reality and objective reality.

• Culture of avoidance. In many families and communities, feelings are inconvenient and unwelcome. Vulnerability is not safe. So, from early childhood, individuals learn to suppress their feelings.

• Lack of role models. If the adults around us have never been curious about their inner worlds, we don't learn how to be curious about ours.

• Fear of change. Knowing yourself means that you might have to change. People who've built an identity on certainty and control can find this terrifying.

• Dependence on external validation. When people rely on others for approval, they cannot develop their own judgments, which diminishes their self-assessment skills.

The Impact of Low Self-Awareness on Daily Life

Low self-awareness can disrupt various aspects of daily life, from personal relationships to professional settings. For example, individuals with low self-awareness often feel nervous if they are not the center of attention. They may make harsh remarks without considering their impact.

Here's how low self-awareness can affect various life aspects:

• Professional life. In professional life, low self-awareness can lead to career stagnation and workplace conflicts. Without self-awareness, individuals may fail to recognize their areas for personal and professional growth. This can lead to poor work performance and even workplace conflicts.

• Personal relationships. Individuals with low self-awareness may struggle to maintain relationships and recognize the impact of their actions on others. They may not be able to accept their mistakes and may not be able to empathize with their partners, trusted friends, or family members. All of these lead to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts.

• Mental health. Low self-awareness can sometimes cause feelings of disappointment, loneliness, anxiety, or depression. This may be linked to the inability to maintain healthy and strong relationships and the inability to break free from negative patterns, among others. People with low self-awareness may also be afraid to ask for help when needed, which further affects their mental health.

Techniques to Develop Greater Self-Awareness

Developing greater self-awareness is a journey that involves self-reflection, constructive feedback, and intentional self-growth.

Before you begin your self-improvement journey, it's important to understand that becoming self-aware can feel worse before it feels better. This process can cause feelings of regret or shame, for example. But don't take these as signs that you should stop. This discomfort is actually growth.

As such, let’s explore some techniques that can help you develop self-awareness and eliminate blind spots!

Reflective Practices: Get to Know Yourself

Reflective practices can help you dig beneath the surface and understand who you are beyond roles or labels. Here are some activities you can try:

• The Who Am I? exercise: ask this question repeatedly to reveal deeper layers of self-identity.

• Journaling: stream-of-consciousness writing, emotion tracking, or daily reflections make subconscious thoughts visible and help you recognize patterns.

• SWOT Analysis: it can help you assess strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats to gain a structured understanding of your inner and outer world.

• The Proust Questionnaire: it includes thought-provoking prompts to help discover values, fears, and goals.

Feedback and Awareness Tools

One of the best ways to increase self-awareness is by simply talking to others. Why? Because introspection alone isn't enough. Without feedback, we can become confident in a distorted self-image. Therefore, ask your friends, family, and coworkers for feedback.

Their answers may not be the answers you're expecting but, after all, this is the goal, right? To discover who you really are and how you can become a better version of yourself. The goal is to cultivate a growth mindset that allows you to reflect on the lessons learned from past experiences and mistakes!

Additionally, you can use these tools:

• The Johari Window: it helps visualize what you and others know and don't know about you.

• Self-Awareness tests: tools like the Myers-Briggs test, the Enneagram model, or the EQ-i 2.0 test can help you assess your self-awareness level.

• The Wheel of Life: it rates satisfaction across life aspects to identify imbalances.

Emotional and Cognitive Skill-Builders

Once you've received feedback from others, it's time to return to your self. Try the following:

• Mindfulness & daily check-ins: these will keep you present and aligned with your emotional state.

• The ABC Model: it helps you understand how your beliefs influence reactions and change unhelpful patterns.

• Self-compassion exercises: these can help you build resilience and reduce inner criticism, which enhances honest self-reflection.

• The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique: it helps you develop present-moment awareness and emotion regulation.

• Vision boards & visualization: these activities can help you externalize your goals and dreams to see what really matters.

Neurofeedback: Train Your Brain for Awareness

Neurofeedback uses real-time brain activity monitoring to help you train your brain for greater self-awareness! Mendi, for example, utilizes fNIRS technology to measure the activity in your prefrontal cortex, the brain region responsible for emotion regulation, focus, decision-making, and other cognitive skills. The Mendi headband connects to an app where you receive immediate feedback on your brain activity. This directly builds self-awareness.

• What neurofeedback is: a form of brain training where you receive immediate positive feedback when your brain enters a desired state (like focus or calm).

• How it works: when your brain produces the desired activity (e.g. increase in blood flow and oxygenation to the prefrontal cortex), you get positive reinforcement (visual/auditory); this encourages the formation of new neural pathways.

• Benefits: it can help improve emotion regulation, attention span, and stress management skills; it can also reduce impulsivity, enhance a person's ability to predict consequences, and build self-awareness over time.

Ready to join thousands of other users who are already training their brains with Mendi to become consciously aware of their own emotions? Get your Mendi today!

Frequently Asked Questions

What does it mean to lack self-awareness?

To lack self-awareness means to be unaware of how your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors affect yourself and others. You may struggle to recognize your own flaws, you may misjudge situations, or you may fail to take responsibility for your actions.

How do you gain self-awareness?

You can gain self-awareness through honest self-reflection, feedback from others, and mindful observation of your thoughts and behaviors. Practices like journaling, meditation, neurofeedback, and therapy can help deepen this understanding over time.

What is it called when a person has no self-awareness?

When a person has no self-awareness, they can be described as egocentric or simply being oblivious or emotionally unaware. In psychology, it may also fall under traits of certain personality disorders or cognitive impairments.

Do narcissists lack self-awareness?

Narcissists often lack deep self-awareness, especially about how their behavior affects others or how they are perceived.

What are the common causes of low self-awareness?

Low self-awareness often stems from fear of vulnerability, a tendency to avoid self-reflection, cultural factors, lack of role models, and reliance on external validation.

How does low self-awareness impact daily life?

Low self-awareness can seriously hinder your daily life, resulting in professional obstacles, strained relationships, and poor mental health.