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Emotional reactivity–those intense, knee-jerk responses to stress or conflict–can negatively impact your daily life, damage your relationships, and leave you feeling out of control. Fortunately, you can learn how to be less reactive! This article explains what emotional reactivity really is, how it affects your life, and, most importantly, how you can be less emotionally reactive with practical, science-backed strategies.

Key Takeaways

• Understanding your emotional triggers, physical cues, and thought patterns is the first step to managing reactivity.

• Your brain can be trained for calm through neurofeedback tools like Mendi. It can strengthen the prefrontal cortex–the part of your brain responsible for emotion regulation–helping you respond with intention rather than impulse.

• Breathwork, grounding exercises, active listening techniques, and mindful pauses can bring you back to the present moment, making it easier to observe your emotions instead of being swept away by them.

• When emotional reactivity is caused by a medical condition, it is of utmost importance to consult with a healthcare professional.

What Is Emotional Reactivity?

Emotional reactivity refers to impulsive emotional responses to various triggering situations. People experience emotional reactivity in different ways. For some, it’s a sharp burst of anger; for others, it’s a lingering sadness or feeling emotionally flooded.

At its core, reactivity is the body's and brain's response to stress or a threat, whether real or perceived. When faced with such situations, the body enters a fight-or-flight mode, which is a normal reaction to experiences that put individuals in danger. However, this response sometimes becomes a regular thing and appears even when the situation doesn't require it. In this case, it can affect an individual's mental and physical health, relationships, and performance at work.

Emotional reactivity is often linked to chronic stress and burnout. However, it can also be caused by physical and mental health conditions, such as:

• ADHD

• Personality disorders

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Trauma

• Chronic illnesses

• Neurological disorders

• Hormonal imbalances

Common Triggers of Emotional Reactivity

Emotional reactivity is often triggered by specific events or stressors in a person's life. These can stem from unresolved trauma, past relationships, and daily stressors.

Certain patterns can echo past experiences that affected you emotionally. Triggers can make you feel like you're sent back to that moment, reliving it. For example, a harmless comment can cause you to be defensive if it resembles past criticism, even when that comment is harmless. For others, experiencing rejection, being blamed, or feeling the need to defend themselves can also trigger emotional reactivity. Ultimately, these reactions are unique to everyone and dependent on life experiences.

However, emotional reactivity isn't always rooted in past experiences. Stressful situations, lack of sleep, or environmental factors can also lower your tolerance, making you more reactive than usual.

That's why awareness is step one. The more clearly you can identify what causes your emotional reactivity and negative feelings, the more capable you are to manage your responses instead of being controlled by them.

How Does Emotional Reactivity Affect Relationships?

Relationships are often the first to bear the weight of one's emotional dysregulation. It can sabotage connection and trust between partners, coworkers, family, and friends if left unchecked. Obviously, the triggers are different for each relationship, but ultimately, they lead to the same outcome–the risk of losing the connection.

Here's how emotional reactivity impacts different relationships:

• In romantic relationships, it can manifest as defensiveness, blame, or emotional withdrawal. You may feel angry, or you may feel confused. Arguments may escalate quickly, and feelings may get hurt even when your significant other doesn't mean to hurt you. Over time, this can lead to emotional distance and sometimes even cycles of toxic behavior.

• In the workplace, being reactive can impact your performance, credibility, relationships with colleagues, and even job security. Emotional outbursts or overly defensive behavior can be seen as unprofessional, even when you're under immense pressure. In this case, usually, the main culprit is burnout.

• Friendships thrive on mutual understanding and trust. So, when emotional reactivity takes over, it can cause tension, misunderstandings, and avoidance. You or your friends might start walking on eggshells or avoid deeper topics for fear of setting the other off.

• Relationships with family members are affected just as much. When you react impulsively to something a parent, sibling, or child does, you are likely reinforcing long-standing dynamics or unspoken expectations. This can manifest as snapping during a disagreement, shutting down emotionally, or falling into familiar roles (the "fixer," for example). All of these can create a loop of guilt, frustration, and disconnection.

How to Be Less Reactive

Keep this in mind: being less emotionally reactive doesn't equal suppressing your emotions. They are valid, and they should be 100% acknowledged and understood. What makes a difference in this regard is the way you engage with your emotions and react to them. If you learn to identify what causes your strong emotions, how to process them, and how to react to them in a healthy way, you are one step closer to your goal.

As such, here are some effective tools and techniques that might help you be less reactive.

1. Develop Self-Awareness

Start by getting curious about your reactions. What situations usually trigger you? What physical signs show up–tight chest, shallow breathing, clenched jaw, sweating? If you can identify what exactly causes your strong feelings, you can understand how to manage them more effectively.

If you suspect that your emotional reactivity is caused by past trauma or a medical condition, this process is best done under a professional's supervision. They will help you uncover emotional patterns and provide you with the necessary tools to build emotional stability.

Otherwise, here are some self-awareness activities you can try to reduce emotional reactivity:

• Daily journaling. Reflect on the emotional highs and lows of your day. Ask yourself: What triggered me? How did I react? What would I do differently next time?

• Body scans. Pay attention to physical responses. The body often signals emotional activation before the mind catches on.

• Mood tracking. Use a mood tracker app or a simple color-coded system to monitor your emotional states and notice patterns over time.

• Trigger mapping. Write down common situations or conversations that lead to reactivity. Try to understand why they affect you and what negative emotions you experience.

2. Train Your Brain with Neurofeedback

What if we told you there's a way to physically train your brain to pause, reflect, and respond rather than react on impulse? That's where Mendi comes in. Using cutting-edge neurofeedback technology, Mendi can help you strengthen your prefrontal cortex.

Here's how it works:

• Mendi uses non-invasive sensors to measure blood flow and oxygenation in your prefrontal cortex–your brain's control center for emotion regulation, decision-making, and problem-solving.

• While you play an interactive game on the Mendi app, you receive real-time feedback that guides your brain toward more focused and stable states.

• Over time, this process reinforces neuroplasticity–your brain's ability to change and adapt. This can help build new neural pathways that allow you to pause, breathe, and respond in a healthy way.

Activity to try: use Mendi for 3-15 minutes, 3x per week for two months. Then, reflect on your progress:

• When I get triggered, can I pause for a second and reflect on the situation?

• Do I feel more aware of what I'm feeling and why?

• Am I better at calming myself down before responding?

• Am I managing stress better than before?

Keep in mind that Mendi is not a medical device and should not be used if you have or suspect you may have a medical condition without talking to your doctor.

3. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness techniques can pull you out of the storm and ground you in the present moment. This can help you become more aware of your own feelings, anchor you when your intense emotions start to surge, preventing you from reliving past experiences.

Here are some mindfulness activities you can try:

• Breathwork. Spend a few minutes each day focusing solely on your breath. You can do this when you are emotionally reactive as well. Taking deep breaths will gently bring your focus back to the present.

• Mindful walking. Go for a short walk without distractions. Focus on the rhythm of your steps, the feeling of your feet hitting the ground, and your surroundings.

• The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise. Notice 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.

• Body scans. Sit in a comfortable position and mentally scan your body from head to toe. Notice areas of tension without judgment.

• Single-tasking. Choose one daily activity you usually do on autopilot–such as brushing your teeth–and try to focus on it completely.

4. Use Active Listening Skills

Emotionally reactive responses often prevent us from actively listening to the person speaking. If they say something that causes us to emotionally react, we may start focusing on finding counterarguments, for example, or feel the urge to interrupt.

This is why it's important to practice your active listening skills–they can help deepen connections and prevent you from reacting strongly when you're feeling stressed. When you truly hear someone, you also de-escalate your internal defenses.

Here are some activities that can improve your active listening skills:

• The No Interruptions rule. In conversations, consciously avoid talking over the other person until they finish speaking. This builds patience and attention.

• Repeat and reflect. Practice repeating back what someone just said in your own words. This ensures understanding and shows you’re truly listening.

• Eye contact and nonverbal cues. Stay present through eye contact, nodding, and facial expressions that show engagement.

• Ask open-ended questions. Replace yes/no questions with ones that encourage the other person to engage more deeply in the conversation, such as How did that make you feel? or What was that like for you?

5. Take a Pause Before Responding

One of the best things you can do when you're being highly emotionally reactive is to take a break. But first, you'll have to learn how to become aware of these reactions, which takes you back to points one and two on our list.

Once you manage to do this, you will be able to stop for a second, recollect, and reset your nervous system. This will allow you to process your emotions more effectively, reduce rash decisions, and avoid saying hurtful things. Reflecting just for a few seconds before responding can help you regain control rather than let your emotional stress choose the response for you.

For example, in the heat of an argument, you can take a 20-second break. Take some deep breaths and count to ten. Then, count backwards from 10 to 1. It does wonders, you'll see!

6. Assume Positive Intentions

Our emotional reactivity is often fueled by assumptions. Therefore, try approaching situations with the belief that others mean well, even if their words or actions land clumsily. This mindset opens the door to compassion, diminishes the likelihood of overreacting, and reduces the amount of negative thoughts.

Here are some activities that can strengthen your ability to assume positive intentions rather than being emotionally reactive:

• Reframe the story. When you feel triggered, pause and ask yourself: What's another possible explanation for their behavior that doesn't involve malice?

• Gratitude journaling. At the end of each day, write down three kind and thoughtful things someone did.

• Empathy mapping. When you feel triggered, take a moment to imagine what the other person might be thinking, feeling, or fearing. This builds compassion and helps you see things from a different perspective.

Keep in mind that these practices don't support tolerating harmful behavior. Instead, they are meant to help you approach situations with clarity, compassion, and control.

7. Seek Support from a Licensed Therapist

Sometimes, emotional reactivity is rooted in deeper issues that are difficult to untangle alone. Trauma, childhood wounds, or ingrained belief systems can cause emotional reactions that you may not be able to manage yourself. That's where therapy comes in.

A licensed therapist offers a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore your internal stimuli, build emotional regulation skills, enhance self-compassion, reduce stress, and support your overall mental health. They can also offer various helpful resources that will support your journey.

Depending on what is causing your emotional reactions, you may benefit from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), or emotion-focused coping. Make sure to choose a psychotherapist specializing in the condition you need to manage.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is emotional reactivity?

Emotional reactivity is characterized by impulsive emotional responses to stress. This causes intense feelings and a diminished ability to regulate reactions.

Why am I so highly reactive?

You may be highly reactive if you are under a lot of stress, experience burnout, have unresolved past trauma, or suffer from a physical or mental health condition.

What are common triggers of emotional reactivity?

Common triggers of emotional reactivity include unresolved past experiences, accumulated stress, and personal history, especially within romantic relationships. Addressing these factors is crucial for emotional well-being.

Is being less reactive good?

It is good to be less reactive because it helps you approach stressful situations with calm, empathy, compassion, and understanding. It supports your emotional well-being and can help you build deeper connections.

How do I stop being so reactive?

You can stop being so reactive by becoming aware of what triggers your strong emotions, practicing mindfulness, reframing your thoughts, strengthening your active listening skills, and seeking professional help if needed.

What are the long-term benefits of managing emotional reactivity?

The long-term benefits of managing emotional reactivity include improved mental health, better interpersonal relationships, and less anxiety and depressive symptoms.